Monday, August 20, 2012

He Who Hesitates...Still Has To Do It Eventually

It seems to me the time has come to get back into the swing of things. I apologize for my absence. I went on a vacation to the United States that turned out to be not much of a vacation. I've been napping (okay...and socializing) ever since!

I'm supposed to want to go back home when the time comes. But this time I didn't. I hate to even admit that but I knew there were things to get done there that I simply did not want to do. And the moment had arrived whether I welcomed it or not.

Three and a half years ago I got on a plane for Provence with the idea that I would stay for one year, immerse myself in the culture, learn to speak perfect, accent-free French, then refreshed and invigorated and far more cultured,  I would return to the midwest to open a new apartment, find a new job, and recommence my life.

That was the idea. Really it was! But Provence has a way of growing on you. It is warm and seductive and its deep, ancient roots have a way of infiltrating the body and mind until you have no more willpower to move on. At least that's what happened to me!

Before I left the midwest in January 2009 I sold most of my belongings, which was a gargantuan task considering I had lived in a 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom house whose kitchen was the about the size of my current apartment. I pared it all down to those things…those most precious things…that I would need to start over in a little apartment. I put them in a storage unit so I could collect them upon my triumphant return. But that didn't happen and those things have weighed heavily on me ever since. What to do with them? Will I ever return? How can I possibly get rid of them? Should I have them shipped here? Of course I'll return.! But when will that happen? Maybe I won't.

So, those most precious things sat. They sat in the warehouse and they sat heavily on my heart; they somehow became a gigantic pit for me to curl up in, crushed by their weight but at the same time, unwilling to dig myself out.

This trip was the time to do it again. Dump it. Climb out. Sprout another set of wings (don't dragon flies have two sets of wings?) After all, they are just things!

And I am proud to say that with the help of the most amazing friends and family, within 4 days of my return I had moved out of the storage unit and cancelled the lease, sold or redistributed my stuff and moved the leftovers to my mom's basement (now there's a nightmare for a 75 year-old-woman…her 53 year-old- daughter moving back in!). It was hard. Really hard. But after the grand task was finished, I felt light again. Free.  And I have no regrets.

Then I had to help son number 2 move his life to Arizona. Well, he did all the work, I just had to kiss him and his lovely girlfriend goodbye. But with his departure came another change. No longer was I to have my pod all gathered together in the place I return to once or twice a year. And I felt his fear of change as well. He had arrived at the moment that one says goodbye to youth and the job of moving forward into the adult world is imminent. Unavoidable. Scary and exciting all at the same time. His changes for sure, but changes for me as well. I didn't want it to happen…I resisted as one tends to do with change.


The last grand item on my list of things to do, was to figure out how to make a living. I do not have the right to work in France and although I've been able to earn a little here and a little there, it was time to face the fact that I really do need to plan for my future. Otherwise, I'm going to end up one of those crazy, old cat ladies whose remains are found a month after her death from starvation in her cheap, tiny, sleeping room, devoured by her starving animals.

So I bought a house. Yeppers, I bought a house with my sister, extended my ticket for three weeks and went to work remodeling to prepare it for renters. Of course, all good things come to those who work for them. And man, oh man, did we work! Ten to fifteen hours per day, every single day. I now have a personal relationship with the greeter at the Home Depot store in Richfield, Minnesota and I don't care if I EVER see black mold again in my life.

 


I'm a tiny bit proud of myself for accomplishing all that I set out to do, even though I was reticent. You'd think I would be accustomed to change at this point. But it is always hard, no matter how much of it one has had to do in the past. And, in fact, I really had a blast this summer. Hard work is good for the soul, change is NOT horrible and I feel stronger and better because of it all. 

However, all work and no play is always a bad recipe and I really hate to screw up a recipe. So play I did. 

A camping trip with the girls.
It started out well....


but sort of flopped on the finish!


 A weekend at the cabin with family.


Lots of eating, drinking and laughing with old friends...


and a most beautiful wedding.


 No trip to Minneapolis would be complete without an evening out on the Pedal Pub!


And I even got to do a few motherly duties...a haircut which obviously hasn't been done for awhile!


My extended stay in the states caused me to consider whether or not I might want to return soon. I became accustomed to running around like a crazy woman, eating while running around like a crazy woman, drinking gigantic cups of coffee while driving, speaking English and actually being able to be slightly amusing. It's a temptation...until I remember the price of health insurance!

So I'm back in Provence, babysitting the mansion as I do every year. It is amazing how quickly I can re-adapt to the slow, summer days in Provence, long late meals around a table with friends, and an afternoon sieste with the shutters closed against the afternoon heat.





It's always good to be home...wherever it is this week! And it's good to be back here, my friends. 
Have a wonderful week.

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P.S. There's still time to enter the Provence Rugs giveaway over at My French Country Home. Hurry! Run!


34 comments:

  1. I' impressed - you are a courageous woman!

    I'aime la Provence et je connais Aix en Provence.

    ♥ Franka

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    1. Not courageous Franka. Probably just a procrastinator! Welcome to my blog.

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  2. Never say die, girl!
    You've found a way to continue doing what you want AND to secure your future.

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    1. Hey Fly! "Secure" would be a strong word but it's the beginning. You're right, one can never say die.

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  3. You're one gutsy lady, Delana. Best wishes in your latest venture. It takes courage to let go and lighten the load. I'm in awe.

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    1. It takes more courage to right a (4) books. It is I that am in awe, Sherrie

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  4. Delana,
    You are the bravest woman I know except my daughter Grace, but she's 30..she should be brave. YOU are BRAVE! If I were to do what you're doing, the hardest part by far would be getting rid of my stuff...just don't think I could do it. Can't wait to keep reading about you!

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    1. Well, thank you so much but it's not really bravery. I consider it, for me, more of a necessity for a good life. But right now you're building a beautiful house surrounded by beautiful things and there is a place in life for that as well. Thank you so much for visiting my blog.

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  5. Making a life for yourself seems like a great idea, no matter your age. Glad you got so much accomplished and can now rest on your laurels a bit. Enjoy.

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    1. Yup, Paulita. Us oldsters gotta kick a little ass too now and then. My laurels are already anxious to buy another house, however!

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  6. Your time in the U.S. certainly wasn't wasted! I love the photos.

    Selfishly I'm glad you're back in France. Even when I don't comment often, I enjoy reading about your life there.

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  7. Well...I just discovered your blog via Sharon Santoni's "My French Country Home".

    Reading your current post and, afterwards, skimming over some of the previous ones (I'll be back tomorrow morning), I just thought "Good Lord...this woman doesn't exactly waste time sitting around being scared of work or taking chances...."

    I'm not kidding.

    It's after midnight here, but I'll return to read more in the morning. Just now, my first thought is that I'm VERY GLAD you don't live near me.....my good guess is that I would, by comparison and within five minutes, end up feeling very old and fat and irredeemably lazy.

    Sincerely,

    David Terry
    www.davidterryart.com

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    1. Well, Mr. Terry! I'm so pleased to have you here. I get such a kick out of reading your comments on other blogs and I'm looking forward to a little of that here! Hey, I'm lazy too…I promise. If I wasn't, I'd be still working my 9-5, keeping up a house and volunteering for everything. I ran away to be a little lazy!

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  8. You're back! And Holy cow did you accomplish a lot while you were back 'home'! Congrats on buying the house and getting it already to rent. Hope to see you sometime soon xo

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    1. Thanks Sara. I can't seem to do anything now because of this heat. Yes, we'll see each other soon.

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  9. Welcome back Delana! (Welcome home?). You are indeed inspiring. As I get older, I find some things get easier, but others get a whole lot harder. I think the things you just did fall in the 'harder' basket. Letting go and embracing change, that scares me a lot more than it did 10 years ago. I'm not sure why. You deserve extra cocktails for having such a productive trip - enjoy that lighter feeling, you've earned it!
    Hope you're keeping cool in your tower. Man it's been hot. x x

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    1. Yes Kirsty, you can say "home. It's cooler in the tower than the apartment and will be even better now that I've been told I can have extra cocktails. bisous

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  10. Yay! So glad you're back to posting! And I know what you mean about the 'things' weighing you down- every time I look around my basement I wonder how I can possibly move when I have so much stuff to deal with. Congrats on taking the bull by the horns and dealing with it- you've inspired me!

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    1. Thank you. Arghhh…basements. I used to just close the door and try to forget about it.

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  11. Oh, how I missed you Delana! And I am so impressed with all you did in the space of a summer. In the time that I got way too tan (American doctors would cringe) and drank too much pink wine (again with the American doctors) you managed to rid yourself of all the precious things (relief), give a motherly send off to your baby and have the foresight to buy and ready a house for profit. I can't wait to see you again soon.
    Welcome home. Wherever that is.
    Bisous, Aidan xo

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    1. Thank you Aidan. I am now busily trying to catch up on the tan and the rose thing. I'm doing a pretty damned good job!

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  12. Bonjour Delana! whew what a summer! sounds like you grew a new layer of yourself! felicitations!

    xo

    Kit

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    1. Oh man, Kit…that's all I need…a new layer. I'm trying to shed!

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  13. It is so nice to see you back and read your post, I really missed you and was truly worried at a certain moment about your disappearance.
    You have certainly been busy, I love what you did with your belongings, I should be doing the same thing pretty soon. And I have to send off my last daughter to England in 2 weeks time... a new challenge for me.

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  14. Bless your heart, Blandina. It's so nice to be worried about. Well, honey…you've faced every challenge so far. With grace. This is just another and it will be good as well. xoxo

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  15. So glad to read another post, D. Gosh, it amazes me where you get your courage from . . .fear seems to rule my life. I want to get rid of everything and come live next door to you! Seriously, every time I go through a closet I repeat the same words to all the clutter as I make my piles of giveaways, "This is not coming with me when I move to the south of France". I know, I sound crazy.
    Right now, I am moving my daughter to college. Life goes on, so many changes. Great post, thanks.

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  16. Congrats on going for your dream.

    We dream of living in France for a year when I retire in 22 months.

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  17. Welcome back to the Blogging world. I was wondering what happened to you. I love reading your blog because it is conformation to me that I am not the ONLY nutty single woman over 50 out here. I just turned 55 two weeks ago. Deep down I don't really think we are nuts. It is perfectly natural to live your dreams.

    I had all of my furniture in storage for several months until I could get my Victorian brownstone in habitable condition. It was sitting empty and boarded up for 12 years before I came along and bought her at a tax foreclosure auction. I rented a room in a B&B around the corner. I had sold my first house which was in another county. It was fun at first but after several months I got tired of living out of a suitcase and having most of everything I owned packed into 3 storage units. It was a relief to get everything out of storage and be in my own living space again. When I unpacked the storage units I discovered that much of the "stuff" I didn't want anymore. I decluttered a lot and now live minimally.

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  18. Seems like we've both been taking a hiatus from the blog-o-sphere. I don't blame you for wanting to get back to Provence. Who wouldn't prefer siestas and long dinners to cleaning black mold? Yikes! Glad you're back exactly where you belong.

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  19. Wow Delana- what an action packed summer! Welcome back to the Old World!!

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  20. Hi there! I have been packing up my things after spending 2 months back at our place here in the Cevennes, and on a whim, I thought I would check your blog out. You have been busy while I have been in Amsterdam...so glad to know you have had some hiccups (pauses? breaks?) in writing too. Mine has taken a backseat to city life, then I figured okay, I will write about my travels. But the last post is about Brussels, and I have since been to Copenhagen, India, San Sebastian...

    You might like to claim you are a procrastinator, but the story you just told of your US trip gives you away: you are a go-getter, no matter what you might imagine! Chapeau--and I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the summer!!

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  21. good to see you're back.
    thought you had had a change of heart and had decided to stay in the states.

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  22. good to see you're back. thought you might have had a change of heart and decided to stay in the states.i really can relate to the storage part of your trip.once it's dealt with life gets lighter doesn't it?

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  23. Hurrah you're back. Like the last poster I wondered if your French adventure had come to an end. So glad it hasn't. I love reading your blog & I really admire your attitude to life - & your skills with power tools!

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